Freestyle Snowboarding: A Sporting Moment in Time
In Room Five we have been writing about Zoi Zadowski-Synott. We were told to watch a Video about her. She won bronze in the Peyong Chang Winter Olympics. Our main goal was to describe what she would have felt having her board hit the ground and what she did in the air.
Zoi The Snowboarder Wins Bronze
Zoi is waiting for the buzzer to go. She is in a racing position. BEEEEEEEEEEEP! Off she goes, letting the hill take her away. Zoi goes at the speed of light and she's already halfway down the hill. She goes fast. There is a wind trail behind her. Zoi hits the jump at full blast, instantly going into a hedgehog position. As she gets ready to come down she gets the smallest glimpse of the crowd next to her cheering her on as she hits the ground, losing all of the pressure in her head. Zoi hopes she has won gold. All of the crowd is yelling her name as she fist pumps the air in joy. She has the largest grin on her face.
Zoi is waiting for the buzzer to go. She is in a racing position. BEEEEEEEEEEEP! Off she goes, letting the hill take her away. Zoi goes at the speed of light and she's already halfway down the hill. She goes fast. There is a wind trail behind her. Zoi hits the jump at full blast, instantly going into a hedgehog position. As she gets ready to come down she gets the smallest glimpse of the crowd next to her cheering her on as she hits the ground, losing all of the pressure in her head. Zoi hopes she has won gold. All of the crowd is yelling her name as she fist pumps the air in joy. She has the largest grin on her face.
You've really managed to convey the excitement and speed of the race, Blake. I especially like how you have varied your sentence beginnings and lengths, including short sentences for impact and longer ones for variety. Your "show, don't tell" descriptions really help the reader to picture the scene.
ReplyDeleteMrs Idle
Thanks Mrs Idle. I already have the link to the video in the introduction. It is where I say "We were told to watch a video and the link is video.
DeleteKind Regards
Blake
Maybe you could include the link to the video of Zoi's performance.
ReplyDeleteMrs Idle
Hi there,your writing is excellent there so much detail. I just picture the crowd cheering her on. Overall it is a marvelous bit off writing. I hope to see some more brilliant posts from you your, sincerely ADAM
ReplyDeleteHey Adam thanks for the comment. I appreciate the comment, I hope to see your blog soon.
DeleteSincerely
Blake